As a young sports writer, I was a bit naive to just about everything. This was 26 years ago. For better or worse, naive doesn’t really describe me so well these days.
Going from game to game across our state allowed me to meet a lot of, shall we say “characters.” Radio personalities around the state seemed to be the most outlandish of the other media members I met. I didn’t have to travel very far to meet the most unique of the radio folk.
“I heard we had another newspaper slug around here,” was the first thing Johnny Elmore ever said to me.
I thought to myself, “who is this old codger?”
I found out real quick who Johnny Elmore was, and I’m sure we were laughing by the time that first meeting was over.
During my years as a sports writer, Johnny and I would find ourselves at the same games pretty often. We always talked and laughed. I was able to meet Johnny’s son, Brett, who has become one of my closest friends.
Fast forward a few years, and I was somehow, by Brett, talked into being the sideline reporter for Jasper Viking football games. While my title was sideline reporter, my main focus was to be chauffeur for the legendary duo of Johnny Elmore and Woody Wilson.
The first week teaming up with those guys gave me a glimpse of what this partnership was going to be like over the next few years.
At that time, WJLX had an old, brown conversion van. When I say old, this van was probably made in the early 1980s, and we were now in 2016. The van wouldn’t go faster than 60 mph, and getting it up to that speed was iffy on most trips. Woody always rode shotgun while Johnny sat sometimes, but mostly laid across the backseat.
Johnny Elmore liked to smoke. I didn’t realize how much he liked to blow through cigarettes until that first road trip. I’m strongly allergic to cigarette smoke. It makes me cough my head off. About 20 minutes into the drive to Cullman, I get a whiff of, not just cigarette smoke, but extremely cheap cigarette smoke. I immediately start coughing. I turn around to see a cloud of smoke twirly in the back of the van. Johnny had one small window cracked open, and the smoke was twisting its way way out that opening like a small tornado.
“Johnny, could you please quit smoking in the van. I’m allergic,” I said.
Johnny quickly apologized and said he would wait and smoke when we stopped for gas and food in Dodge City. He did that, so I felt like things would now be smooth sailing.
It wasn’t.
About three miles down the road, I get a whiff of smoke again. I thought it was probably leftover from earlier, but I looked in the rear view window and see Johnny Elmore with his face planted against the window trying to blow his smoke out of the small square in the corner that was open.
“Johnny, how about waiting until we get to the stadium to smoke another one?”
“Ok James. I am sorry,” Johnny said. He was always very apologetic, but I learned rather quickly that was only because he had no plans on stopping what he was apologizing for doing.
We made it to the game. Jasper lost, so I expected a long drive back with us all being sour from the loss.
That’s when it hit me. Wham! A huge cloud of smoke made it to the front. I roll the windows down to rid the front of the van of the smoke.
“Johnny,” I exclaimed in a sharp tone. “You’ve got to put those freaking cigarettes out for the rest of this trip. If not, I’ll pull this van over and your (butt) will walk back to Jasper.”
With such an innocent look on his face, Johnny stared right at me and said, “sorry James.” Moments later he finished his thought with “sorry James that you’re such a (wussy).”
I edited the comment for language, but you guys understand what he said was quite a bit derogatory toward me.
I knew it wouldn’t do any good to argue, so I just shook my head at Woody and focused on the road. Johnny had not said anything else for about five minutes. I thought he was probably back there mad and sulking until I heard a loud snore come from his direction.
The trio of Woody, Johnny and me survived that season and a few more. We had a lot of great trips around the state, following mostly the Vikings. My wife even made the trip with us a few times. I had warned her about Johnny so much that she was scared to ride with us, but Johnny’s charm and sense of humor won her over real quick.
On one of those trips was to Lineville for an incredible game that saw Jasper win a thriller over Central-Clay. The game was great. Our coverage was fine. It was after the game when the fun started.
While I walk the sidelines covering a game, I carry a water bottle and drink the entire game, using the team’s water cooler to fill up. After games, I usually make a pit stop for a food and restroom break. I forgot how far Lineville was from anything resembling civilization.
Desperation took over as I drove. I had to take a restroom break or things were going to get weird. I found a patch of grass at a “Y” in the road where I could stop. It was jet black out and in the middle of nowhere, so I took the opportunity to relieve myself.
About that time, the JHS band busses come heading down the road. Thankfully, my back was turned to the road because it became very bright as the parade of buses drive passed.
As I climbed back into the vehicle, Johnny gave mr that innocent stare again and said, “I hope you’re proud of yourself James, because you just flashed the entire Jasper High School Band.”
Andrea was driving us home that night so I could write my story while riding in the passenger seat. I was finished by the time we got to the Jefferson/Walker line on Interstate 22, which is where we caught up with the band buses from JHS and their police escort.
Johnny exclaimed, “I dare you to shoot those cops the bird!”
What Johnny didn’t know was that I knew who the police escorts were. I texted one of the guys and asked he please ignore what I was about to do.
Andrea pulled beside the police vehicle as I rolled the window down and started screaming at them in what sounded like a cross between Bumhower from “King of the Hill” and Captain Caveman. I have no idea what I was saying, and neither did the officers, but they sure understood my sign language. Luckily, they were laughing as hard as me.
Johnny looked shocked. I had finally gotten him. He said, “(Darn) James. I was joking. You’re going to get us put in jail.”
While we shared a lot of laughs on those trips, there were also a few serious moments. Those were typically Johnny getting sentimental over Brett. He always made sure to tell me how proud he was of Brett. They were buddies as much as father and son. I know Brett misses his buddy. We all do.
