Losing someone is hard. Death is inevitable. We all will experience the loss of a loved one some day. But with death, there is closure. There is a time to say goodbye. With death you know there’s a finality.
However, when we lose a friendship and those friends are still alive, we do go through a grieving process, however, there seems to be no closure. The grieving seems to continue. You may think you have moved on and finally forgotten about that old friendship but then you see them out somewhere or see them post on social media and that wave of emotions flood back to you. You remember how much you miss them. You remember all of the good times. You remember how you thought your children would grow up together and you would share in all of their milestones and accomplishments and they would share in yours as well. But that didn’t happen.
You’ve watched their child(ren) start high school, go to proms, play sports, graduate, start college, all from a distance. They have not been there for your children when they have done the same, though they don’t seem to mind missing it.
When my dad passed away, I grieved. In fact, I still grieve and miss him terribly. But I know he will never come back to me. I can go to him one day, but he will never come back to me. That’s the finality of death. It is certain.
I can go visit his grave and decorate it for Christmas and other holidays. I have a place to see where there was an end. But when it comes to the loss of a friendship, it’s just different. The loss is ongoing. It’s strange to say that you grieve for people that are still alive. But that’s exactly what I do. If the relationship mattered then there is great loss. Where there is great loss, there is grieving.
We are created to have relationships with others. God said from the very beginning that it was not good for Adam to be alone. He then sent Adam a helpmate. God sent me the very best helpmate ever. I deeply love and appreciate him. He and my children more than satisfy my life. But there are times that I do miss having those close friendships.
When life becomes too burdensome, it’s nice to have someone that can relate to what you are going through. There are times when my husband is so burdened himself with issues related to work or church, that I don’t want to bombard him with anything else. Usually, when I have bouts of feeling alone, that’s when I will get a text, call, or card in the mail from one of our many supportive ladies at church. God is aware of every tear we shed. He cares for us deeply and sends encouragement along at just the right time through our church family . (Psalm 56:8)
Being in the ministry can definitely take a toll on you. You and your family go through times where you feel completely alone. There are times it seems like all of your friends have forsaken you and faded away. You find that you aren’t invited or included in many things that you once were a big part of.
As a minister’s wife, there are still some days where I feel overlooked. But, I have learned through prayer and reading of scripture that I am not overlooked. I have been hand-picked by God. When I am feeling alone, unworthy or rejected, I know He is with me every step. He is my friend. (John 15:15…but I have called you my friends.) If you are feeling alone today, I pray that you know that you too, have been hand-picked by God.
That’s something to smile about. Life can still be difficult, burdensome, and lonely at times, but God is always good! Even though I still grieve for those friendships, I always remind myself of how blessed I am to have had friends that make saying goodbye so hard and I am very thankful for the ones that entered our life at just the right time.
