| Yesterday morning I was standing and looking out of the bay window in our kitchen. Weather reports indicated lots of rain and heavy thunderstorms were on the way. Behind the storms would be much colder temperatures. As I was staring out a strong wind began to move throughout the trees and before I knew it, it looked like it was raining golden leaves. I was mesmerized watching my entire view become filled with nature in motion. Part of me was delighted like a child in a cozy room watching snow falling outside. And then another part of me was sad to see all of the leaves fall in one fell swoop, leaving the trees looking barren and stripped. I’m not ready for fall to be over. I’m not ready for winter to arrive. Having lived in coastal areas most of my adult life, I haven’t been able to experience the glorious fall colors in years. So when I do I want to drink up every moment. So I grieve a little bit for the trees and for the colors. Sometimes I will pick up the brightest yellow, red and orange leaves and press them in a book, to save them for as long as I can. I did this as a child. My mom would take me for walks, specifically to find the brightest colors and I would put them in my favorite books. It makes me happy to do this still. Grief is something we each deal with and sometimes on a daily basis. Grief is the result of change so anything that changes can cause a moment of grief. Grief that accompanies the loss of a loved one however, can last forever. The holiday season can bring an extra weight to it too. Thanksgiving is the beginning of the season where we celebrate our families, friendships and relationships of all kinds. So when we have lost someone, we miss them even more. If you are facing this Thanksgiving without someone, I want you to know, like me pressing colorful leaves in a book, there are things you can do to ease the weight. First of all you have to believe that your loved one is there, just in a non-physical form. Give yourself permission to believe this. They want to participate in your gathering and some ideas to include them are: Set them a place setting at the table- with silverware, a napkin, stemware and anything else you normally do. Put their picture, or a few of them, on the table. Have a space where you have everyone’s pictures you wish to remember. Make their favorite dish. Play their favorite music. Wear their favorite color. Wear something they gave you. Make a toast for them. Ask everyone to share a memory or a story they have with them. Share why your life is different having known them. Talk about in what ways did they influence you to be a better version of yourself, or to reach for something greater. Remember, above all, they want you to still love your life here and be happy no matter what. They don’t want you to be sad because they haven’t truly gone anywhere. They want to share in your joys and celebrations and they are eager to appreciate the upcoming holidays with you. I wish you all of the love and blessings of this time and know your departed loved ones are even more excited than you to get together. Know they are going to be playful and will do whatever they can to show they are around. Betsey Grady may be reached at [email protected]. |
Grief during the holidays
By Betsey Grady
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